full of life || june

i sit writing about my month thinking ‘woah where did june go?’ 
maybe more accurate would be ‘WOAHHHHHH where is the year going?’ 

I am planning so many projects like why can't my brain slow down.
book ideas, screenplay ideas, etc.
its crazy.

life is full. 
and that's good.

started a screenplay, finishing a book, planning more books. Scarlet is almost complete. It would be done now but we are moving across town so it’s like hard to find time to write when you have so many books to pack, ya know? 
Who knew words on a screen could stress you out so much..... but I know if I'm writing this story for people to read and be impacted, I shouldn't impact my own life in a bad way while doing that. So I've been slowing down and realizing that 'hey if I don't get this done it's not the end of the world'. 
if that makes any sense. 
Armelle’s gotten bit sassy, There was a cake baking lesson, Hugo hasn’t been around much, and Ty is just….. yeah. 

snippets from part of that cake baking lesson: 

“Good, I suppose since I will be spending the rest of my life in a prison, I could put myself to good use.”
“It’s not a prison. We started a city on the outside.” 

“So these are all simple things that you will need to know when you go out. Here you don’t have to cook, clean, or do any of that stuff. When placed in the thriving city, you will be responsible for a house and family which is why you can learn these things now.” Ty smiles and waves me over. “First I think you should learn how to make at least one good cake.”
“I don’t know how—.”
“That is why you are learning.” His finger points to my chest. “Now come here. Once you’ve learned one it should be easy to figure out other baking and cooking skills and such with the other woman there and your now limited knowledge.” 

While packing my old things I found maybe eight stories I wrote when I was six and others from years after. So I’ve technically been writing stories for like nine years. Some years not so consistently but still. It was cool to see. 

a group of us leave for New Orleans July 2nd for a mission trip. We will be doing a backyard bible club and some outreach so that will be fun. I will probably have a super long post on that after I return. 
During that time I will have my Purposeful Pages post scheduled for July 2nd and won’t be able to answer comments, but if you have questions, ask Amanda. Or just spam me for no reason. 

I got to read some books. Not to many since I’ve been busy. Fairest Beauty by Melanie Dickerson was a favorite along with a re read of To Get to You by Joanne Bischof for screenplay purposes. I think there was a total of six or seven......

I’ve been flailing over 

||Jon Bryant: Trenches and Charms 
||Josh Garrels: Farther Along 
||chrome filters 
||ukelele’s (i have yet pick mine up yet except for once) 
||awesome unplanned photos 
||films and the making of them 
||words in general

new songs played on guitar||

fierce- Jesus Culture
start a war- Brooke Fraser
once in a lifetime- Landon Austin 

goals and things||

get everything together for Scarlet 

take more photos + read more books (literally every month) 

write 7000 words for Lethal Cures (camp NaNo july) which legit has no plot except for the fact that it's a young military photographer guy who meets this girl whose in a test thing. needles, the ocean, and that type of stuff. set in 40's somewhere..... probably Europe area. 
yeah that's broad 

this month I've started reading second Corinthians and stressed over words, sentences, novels. 
read books
started realizing it's REALLY hot 
all that normal life stuff 
I am looking forward to meeting some of you guys at Realm Makers next month + plotting, writing, reading, plotting some more. 
welcome july. 

how was y'alls month? Yep ,
this is a bit early but I am doing Purposeful pages 
next Saturday and during then will be gone 

 h a n n a h 


i dare you to scream louder than me 22 times

Sometimes I whisper your name, wondering what you and I would look like 
Most definitely 
when I see your eyes I sense fear, because you are scared of what's ahead 
You should be 
your eyes
remind me of the ocean: frothy waves with the suns reflection on a foggy morning. I unknowingly stare into them. heaven. 
make my heart stop 
not because I want to die 
I want to live 
I want you to live life 
take my small hand in your scarred one 
you have seen battles 
I only dream of them 
Dream of what you've gone through 
Then I cringe and try not to cry. But the tears roll down my face and I still study your eyes while blinking. 
Maybe I think blinking will help, it doesn't 
You jerk your hand away 
it's tear stained 
I can see the stains on your rough palms and cut fingers 
I cry over you in the shower 
Tears mingling with water streaming from above 
Now I can't tell what's what 
To many salty droplets 
I cry here because if you see me sobbing you might think of me as weak. You need to be strong 
Am I your crutch? Maybe I am, and that's why you can't see me like this.
Don't loose you to yourself
Don't be one of the 22 who give up 
stay here 
maybe each pixel on your uniform represents a time your heart was broken 
Over time so many gather that you camouflage yourself 
I can't see you anymore 
Where are you?
stop hiding and come out 
I can't mend your heart but there is one who can. He can stitch it, stroke your hand and whisper that He can heal your heart 
He is the only one that can piece the broken pieces back with His love 
Take it 
your emotions confine you, they trap you and I try to break the cage 
a growl erupts from you 
why would I try to reply? 
more tears fall for you and I don't hold them back 
They fall like your
Brothers. The ones you held in your lap as they breathed their last.
maybe blood 
It haunts you. the irony scent filling you 
flash backs. moans escape his lips as he dies.
in your arms. 
things pool, not just blood and your tears on that night 
cry darling, let the tears splash on my hair 
maybe you are dry. no tears left to waste 
Tearlessly cry in my arms 
your wounds hide 
bring them out because I want to heal you 
You push me away 
hit scream yell moan sob
'please let me help you' 
can you hear my whispers as I whimper?
'no. please go.' 
you brain hears me but your heart is still caged
you don't want me nearby. it reminds you of those you lost because you love me just as much as you loved them 
I scream your name now 
Cry out 
I want you back 
You aren't the person I used to know 
your deep voice fills the room with anxiety 
'I'm done.' 
'No you aren't.' My hand brushes yours 
then you stand and leave again 
I won't whisper till you come home 
Come out 
bE fREE 
i won't let you fall 
because you can break out. you weren't meant to live in a cage 

 22 veterans commit suicide every day 
that's almost one every hour 
every day 
so many things running through their heads 
next Monday (June 27)  is PTSD awareness day. 
Let's all draw the ribbon on our wrists, hands, etc.
Let's all pray for those who even after the battle they were sent to is over, are still fighting each day 
Fighting to survive. 
Let's all remember that these Marines, Airmen, Soldiers, Coast Guard, and Seamen don't just fight battles when deployed.
they fight them here and now in their hearts 
it's a battle for their sanity, life, and future. 
and they need help fighting 
these things are small, but it's the many small steps forward that can make a difference. 

more info here 

#22tomany #hope(less) #PTSDawareness

so how was the above poem/story/excessive rambling? yeah it was a bit jumbled..... and 
did the stats on PTSD kill you inside? also i may have a special project to 
go with this that i will do a post on in the next few months 
if i can get it together!

h a n n a h

screenplays || summer lists

i thought that if i want a movie for one of my all time favorite books, (you can find it here btw.)
i need a screenplay 
this adventure has started. i mean i only have 118 words and am already frustrated with a large dose of awe at the people who actually do this for a living. 
maybe i want to. 
i would pull my hair out everyday though. but the people who do this are amazing to me. i love doing this but it’s a love hate thing. 
more love than hate. i think the hate is more me learning this format. tbh it is harder than writing a novel. 
what are these cameras doing? Maybe they shouldn't be there but a format online was my info source :P 

i actually have no clue……. 
i truly don’t and if any knows please help. the thing is, i want a movie for this. writing a script is the first step and it’s not even big for me. so far as i read it, it looks like it stinks. 
it really looks awful. 
isn’t that part of the adventure? i have like two (big) series and maybe seven or eight single books planned and more ideas flood me. 
like a tidal wave. 
wait no, 
now i have like 3 screenplays (to get to you by joanne bischof and another original being written with a friend+ this) 
if i start them all i will drown. trying to finish this most recent novel has been stressing me out 
i’ve got stuck so many times 
so many places
and developing new humans is hard. i’m not saying i don’t enjoy it, but creating original beings is hard
i do steal traits 
i liked that penny colored hair i saw and the way you laughed at that cheesy joke. i love 
 that color on your shirt that makes your eyes pop, 
the smile that makes me laugh and even down to the simplest thing like the way you pronounce a word or make a big deal with kids. these things and others are what build these stories. 
people unknowingly help me with things so thanks.

but if you ever look at what you write, you actually realize that you are taking what God created and building on it. not because what made was bad but because what he gave us the capacity to do is A M A Z I N G. 
he made writers to build on what He created. to elaborate and expose his GREATNESS. writers, artists, singers, musicians, etc. 
i think we are supposed to take our talent and show the world His tidal wave love. it crashes, knocks over and free’s. 
it may knock us down but we are freed. 
now i might just be rambling. blabbing on. 
just random thoughts. 
but that’s me now. 
writing like a maniac. (and thanks beta’s for being so patient. i mean i’m like a week late on sending? bear with me, i am working hard) 

and my summer 'bucket list' is really just:

learning the ukulele 

why? well cause i can carry that thing everywhere. like i will bring it every where, every day, every way. 

finish editing book one, start book two, and start screenplay for this quiet sky + the special original thing that has no name yet. 

pretty self explanatory except for the special original which we will try to be filming and writing. so yep. a movie. i guess i can be a filmmaker as well. 

conquer my tbr pile

i'm serious this pile could hurt someone if i catapulted it......
i haven't tried this theory


i know i am going to PA for realm makers, New Orleans for a mission trip, and other places. 

that's my take on the bucket list and ramblings.

what are y'alls travel plans? anyone here written a screenplay and want to 
share advice? is the formatting hard to learn at first? any other things? how is writing? tell everything. 

h a n n a h 

beautiful people #18 || Hugo

Beautiful people link up with Paper Fury on charcters childhood.
So this is Hugo from Scarlet and he is like a super cool guy.

||What are their first childhood memory?

So Hugo's first memory is most likely his mother. He loved her SO MUCH. Like it's adorable. It's SUGAR COOKIE CUTE when he talks about it the Armelle when he's older.But it's either his mother teaching him, little snuggles, and that stuff (why do I make such love able characters?)

||What were their best and worst childhood experiences?

His best childhood experience is maybe his freedom and going out with his father on hunts and just being a kid. Worst is when.... Oh yeah not sharing spoilers. Ummm second worst experience is when his mother dies in a fire when he is about eleven.

||What was their childhood home like?

Childhood home is the camp. Hugo's father started it after the big disease outbreak and  the Dome started as a safe place. He has been there ever since.

||What’s something that scared them as child?

His mothers screams as she was inside the burning tent. Fear that he would loose his sister who is like a mother to him. Fear that no one would accept him because of things, spoiler things.

||Who did they look up to most?

His father. His father is a powerful guy who Hugo wanted to follow. He does sort of later. But he loves the guy a lot.

||Favourite and least favourite childhood foods?

Ah this guy loves food. Like any typical young guy, right? So he doesn't really like..... Well anything that I can think of. What he eats that he LOVES is curry, naan, and cake. Oh goodness that cake. Mmmmm. Hey have that meal one night when Armelle is with him. (And I totally ship it #huelle)

||If they had their childhood again, would they change anything?

He would save his mother from the fire. Hugo would choose to act on things that be believed in instead of shrinking away.

||What kind of child were they? Curious? Wild? Quiet? Devious?

He was a louder yet quiet kid. He knew how to have fun with what he had but was serious when needed. He was a fun guy with quirks and sufferings.

||What was their relationship to their parents and siblings like?

Oh my goodness he adores his family. Like ugh so cute.
He loves his sister and she is like a mother to him after his mother dies. His father is out a lot since he leads the camp but he loves him lots.

||What did they want to be when they grew up and what did they actually become?

He wanted to change the world really. Change the way things were and make things right. The thing is, there wasn't much opportunity for him to do much. The camp was small and the only things they can go towards as a goal is really just surviving.

vena cava || bloodrush

^walking+fresh fruit^

(all italic bold is from the song Blood rush by Brooke Fraser)
btw Brooke Fraser used to be with Hillsong and has super good music. Especially the new album "Brutal Romance"

   noise makes every thought seem quicker and not so deep.
It's in the silence that we hear the voices. The voices telling us who we think we really are.



His child.
In His arms. Love wrapped around your hearts squeezing life.
Life into our veins so that our blood can flow with freedom and security.

 Something inside you
Breaks a little bit when you turn away and in
Down beneath the pieces
You say you don’t feel a thing

Hiding away might seem like a good choice. In a corner. Alone.
Tears waltzing down your face because life isn't fair. The blood isn't flowing.
You need a blood rush. Something to revive your dying body.
Prone to wander.
We wander away into the corners.
We are prone to leaving, swaying, straying, falling, stumbling. 
Blood rush.
Feel the warmth rush through your veins again.

 It’s atrophy in motion
The slowing down of necessary moving parts
It wouldn’t be so tragic
If it weren’t machinery of the heart


<Poured, ransomed>

He painted the sky with his blood.
The words 'you are mine' fill the skies. The make shift paint dripping down onto us; washing away the grime.
The stuff he wants to shave off our hearts.
Snap, break, cut, free.
F R E E.

Can you feel it yet?
Like a longed for thaw
Feel the blood rush back
Feel the frost withdraw
Vena cava, veins
Broken valves and vows
Feel the blood rush back
Feel the blood rush out

Vive la vita. live life.
Don't waste it listening to those voices. There are some songs that you don't need to hear. Some words that will bring you down.
Rise with them. Rise lifting them on your back and looking upward.
Rise to the top, the highest point.
Why don't you rise to where the skies are bleeding? Bleeding his love and message.
Find the things that make you smile, laugh, and giggle. Identify what makes you peaceful, warm inside , and at home.
It may be cliche but write them down.
Find the blessings. Let your blood rush.
Streaming through your veins. 

Little things like breezy days, second Corinthians, new books, old faces, inspiration, Josh Garrels love war and the sea In between, worship, warm blondie brownies, cheesy puns, laughing uncontrollably. 
Things like your fingers being raw from (very) long guitar sessions, frizzy hair after a long day outside, writing words that you want to mean something. 
scribbling ideas. 
living, breathing. 

Find them. List them. Live them.
don't stray, don't leave. Let His blood wash you and find your life.


do you think people need a blood rush?
 to find the happiness?
(and yeah the design changed, I found out there are really nice 
and pretty/somewhat unique ones on etsy really cheap so yep)
And yep I've posted a lot, but these words poured 
out one night and wanted to share. 
they really are just somewhat organized ramblings, did it even make sense????

h a n n a h

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